I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
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