you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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