chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
