Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
