i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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