It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
where are you?
Hypothermia
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
