**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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