My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
