Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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