Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
