And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
