She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
