I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
