I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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