If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
