do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
