so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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