that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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