No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
