This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
