I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
