You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
