Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
