Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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