farters have to be the big spoon...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
nutella sex= disaster
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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