he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
