I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
