I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
