Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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