dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize