i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
