I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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