i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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