i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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