You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize