People in love make me want to vomit
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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