I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
