I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
