I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
