all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
