Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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