Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
