she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my shit smells like andre
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
