I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
