This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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