I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You took a bar mat shot.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
