I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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