You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you would pick up someone in the library
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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