Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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