woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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