is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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