now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
