We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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