So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
