I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The best revenge is premature balding
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
