Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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