I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
