i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
