I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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