You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
