I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
