Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize