whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i need some magic done to my vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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