when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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