put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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