I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
