Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
