It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
