If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
