Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
