There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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