I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
