My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
