my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
