Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
