If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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