I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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