did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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