So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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