Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
