soooo we both peed the bed last night...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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