You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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