I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize