I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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