I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
