If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
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