they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
