My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
