Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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