I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will be naked everywhere
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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