don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
