You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize