i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
