theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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