Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
