Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
