does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
