I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
