JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
