Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
