wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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