the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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