we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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